Why can't DJs play pool?

Q: Why can't DJs play pool?
A: They always scratch.

Good place to eat

You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'. '

What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?

Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?
A. Polaroids.

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, men will screw anything.

What did the penis say to the condom?

Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
A. "Cover me. I'm going in."

What goes moof?

What goes moof?
A cow with buck teeth.

What two words contain the most letters?

Q: What two words contain the most letters?
A: Post office.

A teacher is teaching a class

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

Fetal attraction

Q: How does one human embryo talk to another human embryo?
A: It uses a stem cell phone.

Friend went to Disney World

Friend went to Disney World and posted this pic. His parents responded.

Friend went to Disney World

Did you hear about the evil tuna

Did you hear about the evil tuna?
He was rotten to the albacore.