KYLE KINANE: LOVING PARENTS

I can't believe I made it anywhere creatively, though, because I was raised by two loving and supportive parents. Nothing squashes creativity more than unconditional love and support from a functional household. If you have kids, sh*t on their dreams a little bit.

What kind of accident did the proctologist have?

Q: What kind of accident did the proctologist have?
A: He was rear-ended.

New York State of mind

Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

Name that flower

Q: What is the name of the flower you find between your nose and your chin?
A: Tulips.

College grads

A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"
A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Why can't DJs play pool?

Q: Why can't DJs play pool?
A: They always scratch.

Good place to eat

You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'. '